I am fucking delightful actually. I also can empathize with someone I’ve never met.

That’s text book manipulation

I don’t think you can know when it will be useful, but you could need it 25 years after you leave school suddenly. Better to have the best foundation possible. So if there is a way, a method, that can teach the highest math to the youngest group then that’s the one I support, but I don’t know what that is myself I’ll admit

It’s not just any person giving a gift or the giving of a random gift. This is specific to this particular gift, in this particular scenario, to this particular person who explained thoroughly why this was not a good gift to give at all. I’m giving OP benefit if the doubt that their recommendation was doing and should have been understood by their spouse without judgment. As presented, it could easily be misrepresented, but I’m taking it as is for objectivity

A hyperbole (pronounced “hy-per-buh-lee”) is a literary device that uses extreme exaggeration to create strong emphasis

I’m fine, perhaps I went a little too overboard, but it was intending hyperbole to make clear the point I was arguing from, which was that the spouse hurt OP and is being made it as a villain for it

Perhaps I misunderstood this literary device or how to use it, but now you know what I was attempting, I’ll consider an edit if you want to play Editor for a minute

Do you care about the person that gave the gift? Do you trust and believe that they love you and got the gift in good faith, trying to do well even if it was flawed? Then express gratitude for the intention, even if you don’t want the gift. “Sorry, I’m happy with the one I have and don’t want to replace it.”

Yes that’s why there is a problem with the reaction wanting to return the gift. Maybe we didn’t understand the same thing.

The giver was hurt because the reciever expressed that they didn’t want the gift so they should return it because it won’t get used. “Sorry, I’m happy with the one I have and don’t want to replace it.” There is no indication that how you phrased this isn’t exactly what op did. Unlikely, but we don’t know any more than after expressing they don’t want a new version that they suggested it be returned. To me that says I’m sorry but this was a waste and I don’t want your effort to be wasted.

If this was an acquaintance and not their partner I could see it differently, maybe. I’m trying not to make assumptions about anything here and using the post on its own merit. So as far as I’m concerned OP didn’t do anything wrong and is confused by the hurt reaction. Coming here to try and get an outside perspective is an attempt to get a less biased perspective on the situation which is evidence that OP actually cares a great deal about why this is a problem and is literally asking us to help understand.

A lot of the comments have made wild assumptions about OP “scolding” their spouse when that’s not information we know and it is being assumed.

I responded to your comment correctly. You said to apologize even if they didn’t blow their lid as an olive branch.

What exactly is the apology worth if you don’t actually believe you did anything wrong? That’s manipulative. You are giving a false impression of contrition.

And people pick up on disingenuous behavior often enough that you shouldn’t do it.

I’m not the best at explaining myself, especially in text only, so I’m sorry if I’m not being clear, I don’t know how else to explain the dishonesty it makes me feel thinking about that it.

It’s like a corporation making a public apology. If you don’t actually feel bad then it’s an empty gesture with only an ulterior motives behind it. That rubs me entirely the wrong way.

In not claiming to be the world’s best communicator or even a member of that League, but it’s clear as day to me how much of a problem lieing is because people refuse to see it as a problem

… No that’s not how it works if you don’t want it to.

He said he paid about 120 dollars extra for some specific type of coverage due to the custom nature of the work on his insurance and when it did get into a collision, he got more than it cost him to repair it.

He did that project as a curiosity and used it as a shop vehicle, and it got a lot of use iirc

The only information started was (I wanted to return it)

Why are you claiming the partner was being scolded? We don’t know that happened

The last weekend almost the entire post expressing how confusing the gift was because of how obvious it is to them that the spouse had enough information to know they wouldn’t appreciate the gift.

I’ll accept that there is a lot we dont know so I’m only responding to what was presented in the post and attempting to accept it as is.

Please, I’ll actually listen, where did you get any impression of how the partner was scolded by op.

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You didn’t explain it or provide any additional context. You used it exactly as it has been used, word for word, as is used when it’s being used as a slur.

I was clear to say without an explanation it is a slur.

Oh also it doesn’t fucking matter what most people would feel about new things. The gift giver isn’t a stranger. They are married(assuming mother in law comment about the origin of the watch being replaced) and should know by now say least this much about the person they are sharing their life with.

How could you be this oblivious to who your partner is by saying most people would have appreciated it.

Using that reasoning then you are testing your spouse no more intimately than a complete stranger. That would hurt most people…

Absolutely it is often what people do.

That’s entirely too many assumptions you are making it assertions you are crediting with no evidence at all.

Entirely too much for my comfort anyway

That’s an important observation then isn’t it?

Fixing things broken things. Not wanting or appreciating things just because they are new. Nerdy T-shirts.

by assuming OP is male and that their partner is female, these things are seen in this community as undoubtedly male and the reaction undoubtedly female to those that assumed them.

Not sure how useful that observation is but it is an observation that is interesting to consider. I think so anyway. I’m sure not everyone agrees but I’m okay with that

You are literally saying just lie to them because deception and untruth is a good thing.

They DO NOT appreciate the gift itself. The giving of A gift is different from the gift itself. And that is the important distinction here that make it a lie or not

Receiving an apology when it’s not real is the shortest way to make me distrust everything else you are going to say in an situation like this.

If you don’t actually feel sorry don’t fucking say that shit. That’s just setting yourself up for resentment and distrust.

This is exactly how old arguments get brought up again and again.

With something like “I always KNEW you weren’t actually sorry about the time XYZ…”

You can be honest without actively and willfully deciding to lie about the situation. It’s just not the easy thing to do. But it’s the right thing to do

The gift is an insult to OP. It’s hurtful and savage to force them to accept something that causes them pain and suffering and then force them to make them responsible for the other person’s feelings.

That’s so fucked up you would blame op just because they didn’t want this unsolicited gift

They can go fuck themselves if they aren’t going to explain that. Being autistic isn’t a god damned reason for you to be insulted.

You might be autistic and don’t know it. Any of us might be.

That person is a piece of shit for treating autism like it’s a slur. And also shitting all over your clear attempt to try to understand this situation.

I would be pissed if someone did that to me and then makes me out to be some villain because they fucked up on their gift.

Why should they get to be upset about it because it’s a gift, yet the item being replaced with not something similar in style but different, but a literally new version of beloved gift, is supposed to be discarded without any thought about that gift.

Like what the hell is that logic. That gift you love and use all the time without ever mentioning a problem with is not good enough for my liking, replace it with MY version of it or you will hurt my feelings and that majes YOU a bad person for my feelings getting hurt.

Sorry but f that logic say I’m sorry I didnt know it meant so much to you.

They should be made to answer, in front of the mother in law, why and how the perfectly loved and valued watch needed to be replaced

They were not thoughtful if they tried to replace something that has enough value to the person that they actually love it more than a new version of the same thing.

They wanted to replace something that clearly didn’t need replacing but thought it would “look” better ignoring completely a well established pattern and preference for not having new things just because they are new.

The reaction to asking it to be returned and being hurt by it is manipulative and the entire thing is completely condescending