Chores, organizing, cleaning. I spent so much time working on home projects this summer and when I look around it feels like I lost time. Somehow I’ve been working consistently without getting a foothold or making progress. Still laundry in the dryer and a mess everywhere.

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I think this post should be home that you own. I’m going to say something controversial in that, in the US, I actually think houses should be expensive. I think a single family dwelling >1500sqft on a half acre or more of land is a luxury, and most people don’t need to have that much land and space all to themselves. The problem is that that’s ALL that’s available for most regions in the US. The US is suffering from foolish post-war suburban centric zoning codes that prohibit building medium density housing (“the missing middle”). We need to change zoning codes across the country to encourage building up “gentle density” and mixed use areas, even in rural regions, because they use land and infrastructure much more effectively and efficiently. They raise more revenue for towns while bringing down home prices. If everyone had the option to buy a place of their own <1000sqft with a small land footprint, I don’t think there would be as much dissatisfaction with not being able to afford a “house”.

It’s a tactic used by people who don’t have the confidence, ability, or power in a relationship to communicate directly. It’s usually used to be spiteful, take revenge, or express displeasure, thinly veiled behind some plausible deniability. A passive aggressive action can be something like:

A person preparing food for someone they feel is unappreciative might deliberately over-salt or overcook it to spoil that person’s enjoyment of it

A person who doesn’t like things being left on the floor might purposely step on or trip over/kick something they see there, damaging or dirtying it

A person resenting being asked to do a task might make very little effort, do it wrong, or make the situation worse than it was to avoid being asked in the future

It’s essentially a way to be hostile and unpleasant to people you socialize with, but if called on their actions, the person being passive aggressive can make excuses or deflect blame. It’s not a healthy dynamic and leads to frustration and erosion of trust on all sides. It perpetuates and exacerbates problems rather than resolving them.

You don’t?

Hmm maybe then, some friends in a suburb were saying their neighborhood had aged out of it. The place I went last night was hopping and had a lot of traffic. Maybe the internet has made people optimize their targets?

Trick or treating is alive and well in places where you can walk safely, and houses aren’t too far apart from each other. The problem is too many places in the US don’t fit that description.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Sometimes that extra money buys ethical labor practices, sustainable material sourcing, quality workmanship and item longevity. Not always, there are plenty of scammy “luxury” goods, but there are plenty of brands that are considered luxury simply because they aren’t fast fashion and are buy-it-for-life quality.

This is great, you should be proud. It sounds like you’re a good caregiver to your bunny buddies.

Belvoir Rose & Elderflower Cordial, I love floral flavors and it’s so interesting and complex. It’s perfect watered down on a hot summer day or mixed with some white wine and ice and I’ve never seen anything else like it for sale. Unfortunately, hard to come by where I live.

I like ginger, so I also enjoy Reed’s Extra Ginger Ale. Most commercially available ginger ales don’t have much or any actual ginger in them, and use artificial flavorings, but Reeds is legit and seriously gingery.

For a go-to soda to have on a regular basis I like Ollipop low sugar sodas, especially their ginger lemon flavor.

She got an honorable mention from me in my post. She was a lot of fun to play as and the game would not have been the same with any other MC.

Probably April Ryan from the Longest Journey. She was clever, empathetic, funny, and grounded. She certainly had more than enough opportunity to get annoying over the many, many hours it takes to play that game but I found myself reading the journal that served as a story tracker just to see what she had to say about events. I genuinely missed her during Dreamfall. Though I had a few other favorite games with female protagonists that I loved (like Rynn from Drakan, Cate Archer in No One Lives Forever), it says something that decades later I still remember April’s name, and her major character traits.

It apparently doesn’t have to be as realistic as hallucinating or dreaming to be exceptional though. There are tests for aphantasia that involve picturing a loved one, their face, then some common piece of clothing they wear and if you can see them clearly in your mind and describe them as if they were in front of you that is something reasonably out of the ordinary. You might be “hyperphantasic” too

https://aphantasia.com/study/vviq

The downside is that when I get a song stuck in my head, it’s really in there.

I have a good imagination. After meeting people with aphantasia it seems I have an exceptional ability to call to mind sights, smells, sensations, sounds, and simulate the interactions they would have entirely in my mind. I can imagine a different set of curtains on the wall and tell you if it would clash with your paint, and I can taste a spoonful of a soup and go through a mental library of tastes and combine it with more salt, onion, wine etc and make a suggestion based on what “tasted” the best. I thought everyone could do it but some people don’t have a “mind’s eye” at all. Some people only can see in their imaginations, not smell or taste or hear etc.

I also identify as demi, and In day to day life when stuff needs to get done sex just never occurs to me. I think when your partner says ask, they genuinely mean it. It’s possible for a demi or ace to just forget sex exists entirely for a while.

I also have been in the position where when my partner asked I felt pressured. Maybe talk about making space for intimacy, and designate a time where you focus your attentions solely on each other. Time where you can sit together and cuddle and talk, not putting any pressure or expectations on having sex but instead enjoying each other’s company. Physical touch should be a part of it, but also be genuinely ok with that whether it escalates or not.

Recreate that “date night” feeling, just at home in any hour or half-hour window of time you might have, as long as you can put life aside for a little.

Just about the only way I’ve ever made real money has been online in the manner you’re talking about.

I enjoy thrifting and flipping, which is harder than it might seem to be successful at. It requires familiarity with what a good quality item is, a robust knowledge of the kinds of prices you might get for those things and some knowledge of refurbishment. Most flippers will pick one or two things that they specialize in, usually based on an existing hobby, because they already have a baseline knowledge of it by being interested in it. Being willing to clean, replace parts, paint, fix or otherwise renew the item is usually the most consistent way of making a return on investment that might make it worth your time. However, there really are some golden opportunities which sometimes appear and another needed skill is being in tune to where those show up. The estate sale of some eccentric artist who has an amazing antique collection, or the office that’s liquidating a bunch of computers or furniture, will be advertised briefly in some narrow window of view and time unique to your location and to catch it you need to be quick to act and decisive. I made a ton of mistakes early on and learned to be a lot more careful about impulse buying, but I also got good enough at it to make rent.

The other part of being self employed is the dual edged sword of freedom. You are never at work and yet you’re always at work. There’s no time “off” anymore, any day or any hour you might find yourself working and it’s unrelenting. Unless you are remarkably disciplined you will probably never have a “weekend off”. There’s no meetings or bosses to answer to but that also means that if you mess up there’s nobody else to blame but yourself. It has its own challenges and drawbacks, so don’t let yourself be fooled into thinking you wouldn’t find new things to piss you off.

Iron supplements, vitamin C and moderation all help so hopefully no need to give it up entirely 💜

I’m so glad I could put you onto a new lead!

Here’s a paper I found that has some good info, especially the Dietary Nickel section. It has a food table under the treatment section too.

I went to my doctor about it too! She was convinced it was something I was physically in contact with so I was trying to eliminate types of fabrics, changing detergents, soaps, my cleaning gloves, wearing shea infused gloves at night, etc etc and at the same time I was eating dark chocolate nearly every night. I finally cut back in an effort to lose some weight and the rashes got better. Someone somewhere in my searches mentioned the nickel thing and it all clicked. You can search for “systemic nickel sensitivity” and “dietary nickel and dermatitis” and see if it sounds like what you’re dealing with. If so, I’m glad I could help!