Raw irritated penis

I can tell when the batteries on my cordless mouse have died. There’s a strange feeling of resistance when the mouse is active, but when it’s dead, nothing.

Gimme a stoner any day. Better than trying to talk a roided up jock half way through a bottle of tequila out of punching his nana. I don’t consume myself because weed just puts me to sleep. I guess I’m mellow enough.

Remember when Idiocracy was a farce instead of a documentary?

I have revived multiple computers and my mom’s windshield wipers with concussive application of a rubber chicken.

Diesel too?

My cat is obsessed with my socks. If a load of clean laundry has been left too long before it gets folded and put away, my socks will be scattered throughout the house.