I’m a healthy outdoorsy athletic woman, never touched drugs or alcohol or junk food, a lifestyle which is intentional & ESSENTIAL criteria I work hard for.
So WHY the only men who approach me with amorous intentions are unhealthy, cigarette, alcohol, junk food men??
Update: Thank you for your thoughtful responses & the humorous ones too. I upvoted my favorites & laughed at the funnies and you’ve given me plenty to think about & work on.
Submissive om is a dead theory. I do not seek out anyone unless there is some indication of interest. In a truly egalitarian world, you are invited to someone’s home. You do not show up unannounced or unsolicited.
Could you elaborate?
OP should ask out men who are to their liking, not sit around waiting for a fit guy to hit on her
I’ve been sitting around waiting for a woman to hit on me. It hasn’t worked out.
Exactly, everyone should be able to politely and safely ask other people out, without it being a big deal
That would be nice. I’d probably still be afraid to though.
ok, so you need to work your way through rejection anxiety …
If you talk to someone you like, and they seem to be enjoying the conversation too, if you say “would you like to for dinner sometime?” what is the worst thing that could happen?
If they say no in a rude way, would they be the sort of person you wanted to be with anyway? Of course not (unless you have a fetish for that sort of thing)
If they say no politely, woild you want to be with someone who isn’t into you? No, that’s the route to a broken heart.
At that point, you know that more effort would have been wasted, and you can try again with someone else.
But maybe, just maybe, they’ll say yes. It’s worth the risk.
This assumes that you’ve gone to a bit if effort to make yourself appealing and approachable. ie. you make make some effort over your appearance, and do not look threatening.
That’s not really the problem. It’s more so that I feel like a burden. I don’t feel I have much to offer her. I’m loyal and loving but I feel like that’s not enough.
Treat yourself with the same consideration you would give someone else. You are a person too. Would you tell your loyal and loving friend they were inadequate?
Be nice to yourself.
Ok, and if the tables were turned woild you not be interested in someone because they had your traits?
Everyone’s able and pretty much always has been, but rejection can be very painful and a blow to the ego, which ceteris paribus is more uncomfortable for women so they only shoot their shot with men they find really attractive (“if the risk is always the same, at least go for the high reward”, and being rejected by a guy who isn’t very attractive can be even more painful), something that is rare.
This is the thing, realising you’re not everybody’s cup of tea shouldn’t be painful - but it is because many folks don’t have good psychological health
Yup yup yup. Although to be fair it’s a bit more understandable coming from women (the fact that men are very horny, horny enough to fund 99% of hookers and OF girlies, horny enough to fuck a McChicken even, can make male-to-female rejection seem even more painful), we have it easier handling our emotions (any man who’s less stable than the average woman is evidently broken and needs to get on top of their shit ASAP, we don’t even have luteal phases!) so I don’t mind being the sex that approaches.
Yeah, this also creates a lot of weird pressures on women who are generally horny … that’s what led to a lot of the more atypical parts of my life up until I hit early-onset menopause
Have to agree, however I have a thought.
Man who are athletic join gyms and have they been asked not to go hitting on women at the gym. That is fair. So that environment is not a dating space, as are a lot of exercise spaces. OP can have the option of approaching men, the world is equal…ask the you want men out…but should the same precedent exist? Don’t do it in the space they come to to workout?
Yup, things like hiking clubs or other co-ed exercise woild be the way to go … a gym never crossed my mind!
I think it’s ok for women to be allowed to ask men or at the gym purely based on the reason why it’s not ok for men to ask.
https://www.humboldt.edu/supporting-survivors/educational-resources/statistics
Men commit the preponderance of sexual violence/harassment by a long shot.
It’s become the norm for men to leave women alone in less-than-social spaces because it provides a more welcoming environment. Which is a huge cultural improvement IMO. The other way around though is fine. I don’t think most men are expecting to be sexually harassed/abused by women in those same spaces.
Not saying it couldn’t happen, because it does, but it’s SOOOOO MUCH less likely.