For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I’ve never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It’s sentimental.

I don’t like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It’s perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don’t like new things.

We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?

We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I’m not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don’t like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?

    • some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world
      1·
      13 minutes ago

      WTF M8? This isn’t Reddit.

      We all make mistakes in our relationships. Hell, I’ve wildly miscalculated similar to the OPs spouse before, thinking “yeah, technically it breaks the rules, but this time is different (and she won’t care) because LOOK at how shiny and cool the new thingy is, just look at all the features, plus it’s BIFL, and there’s no way she’s NOT gonna love it forever!!”.

      In my case, my own excitement about the new thing completely overrode a previously set boundary, because I have a weird brain that has a tendency to latch on and hyperfocus on one aspect of a thing, sometimes to an irrational extent and to the detriment of all the other aspects of a thing.

      It’s not my fault I have that tendency as part of my default neural circuitry, but it is my responsibility to recognize this tendency, own the missteps, and mitigate the damage to the fullest extent possible.