The only time I ever got fired was because the new girl asked me why I worked at the taco shop and I answered because they pay me. The boss heard about it and canned me for it a few days later, but I wasn’t too mad, I hated the bitch and her entire family. They were rude and racist and just unpleasant to be around, which is hard when the family owns the business and works there too.

I got modernized out of being a parttime worker at the library, when they switched from barcodes to RFID and they didn’t need someone to scan the books anymore.

Which was kinda sad, because while that was boring, helping people find stuff was great. It’s been nearly 20 years and I still can’t stand an unalphabetised bookshelf, or one where the spines don’t line up.

Nowadays, I’m a safety consultant, and I get to fire clients. The most fun one was when they copied my signature on a plan that I specifically told them was illegal. I found out when I got a letter saying I committed environmental crimes for agreeing to said plan.

Technically fired for absences. Really just walked off and didnt come back for 3 weeks after my manager assaulted me a little bit.

I’ve never been fired. I honestly don’t know how people do it. Boss says “do X”, you do X with a smile, whether you like it or not. If you don’t like it, you start applying to other jobs while keeping your paycheck. Then leave, shake your boss’s hand and say it was great working with them (even if they were a POS), and forget about the whole mess with your new, higher paycheck.

I feel like these are kindergarden level skills. Follow instructions. Hide your emotions. Don’t let authority figures know you hate them as long as they have power over you. It’s not that complicated.

Does getting laid off because a vulture company scooped up the place I was working, harvested the minimum wage workers, and fired everyone with a salary once they were done scraping our institutional knowledge out count?

I was the lunch bartender and I arrived at the restaurant early to buy breakfast. I’m sitting down, off the clock, eating breakfast and my manager comes back and tells me there’s people at the bar. Bar doesn’t open until 11 (it’s 9:30) and I’m not on shift until 10. Manager says “You’re here, bar’s open.” So I finished my breakfast and head to the front. Before I can get a word out, before I even see the customers ones yelling “where ya been we’ve been here forever. We need bloody Marys, stat.”

Me" yes, of course. I just walked in the door. All the stuff’s in the back and I’ll probably have to prep some of it. So just sit back, relax, and I’ll be right back with those."

“What the fuck does that mean?” Says the alcoholic

“It means it’s gonna be a minute.” At this point I’m still off the clock, can’t clock in until 5 minutes before your shift without a managers card. Manager is walking by. I say “Manager, can I see you in the side server station?”

“Why?”

“I’d prefer not to discuss it here.”

“Just tell me what you want”

“I want to clock in and I need your card”

Upon hearing this the two get up, turn to the manager and ask “are you the manager?” And proceed to tell her all about my bad attitude. I didn’t get a chance to clock in.

This was a time where they were looking for any excuse to fire anyone, they let like 10 people go that week. A few months later the place was out of business.

Alcohol.

Not fired, but got chosen from a team for contract termination.

Was part of a team on contract doing software development for a hospital conglomerate’s internal tools when my second kid was born six weeks early. They made it clear that they were totally fine with me working reduced hours while we dealt with that. We were based halfway across the continent from them, so all our work was done remotely anyway. I put in about four weeks of reduced hours from the NICU, then came back up to full time (somewhat off-schedule, since we had a new baby in the house).

Come budget time, they felt they needed to reduce the team size. They felt we’d all done outstanding work - so I got the axe, because of my “reduced availability”.

Was in the hospital for two months with mono. In ICU on a respirator for 4 weeks of that.

Was fired from my job, evicted from my apartment, and my girlfriend at the time decided to cheat on me while I was in there.

Good times.

Decades ago. I was younger and very dumb. A friend and I worked at a Coleman factory. We worked metal punch presses that punched out stuff for their stoves.

One day we thought it would be a good idea to do LSD to break the monotony. Buddy says come here look at this. He was offsetting the metal in the die and it would mash it into weird shapes. I started to do it too. Well long story short he broke a 10 thousand dollar die, we both got caught and we were summarily fired.

Not being enthusiastic enough.

Because I made the mistake of saying over IM that my team lead at the call center was going to make me have a breakdown.

Apparently, the last guy who that team lead pushed to the edge made some actionable threats, and because I expressed how his harassment was effecting me I was fired.

The team lead was a loyal slave. He used to be a bouncer so he thanked boss and god for his new job, and doesn’t even realize he’s still at the bottom of the pyramid. -_-

Having a chronic life threatening illness. Multiple times.

The company I was working for offshored all our jobs to Manila. To be fair the only reason I got the job was because the people we were replacing had their jobs out sourced to us. Just corpo shit.

A small plumbing and HVAC company I was working for got bought out by a larger firm that mainly focused on electrical work. When business in the plumbing department slowed down, they decided to shut it down and lay off all of us plumbers.

That turned out to be one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Now I’m self-employed, running my own handyman business - exactly what I’d be doing if I could choose freely. The pay isn’t as good, but I work fewer hours, don’t have anyone to answer to but myself, and I actually get genuine gratitude for the work I do.