I mean posing the question like that is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy, no?
On the other hand, as neurodivergent this hits everytime I leave the house.
Spent my 20s in bars all over the place. I remember several times, sitting in a new place, thinking, “I’ve been here 100 times already.”
Now that I hardly go to bars, my wife and I like to hit a dive now and again. Apparently they don’t have shitty places quite like that in the Philippines. She gets so cute and happy, totally novel experience for her. And if they have karaoke? Game. On.
That feeling of all the bars being so similar was an early prelude to stopping going out all the time for me. I always thought it was weird that I never missed something I spent 5 - 7 days a week doing for over a decade. When the novelty wore off it was so easy to just never go back.
Usually the opposite, maybe branch out and find new friends (don’t have to lose the old ones lol) I could have fun wherever going out with the right people.
Then again we aren’t usually just drinking, that sounds terrible
Every. Single. Time.
I’m queer and once had a date with a black woman from the States while living in Dublin, Ireland. She asked me if I could be her local tourist guide. Sure thing!
Walked her all across the shitty overpriced city centre. At some point she asked me:
“Am I the only black person around here?”
Eventually decided to ditch the CC and take a taxi to my local area.
Waltzed into my regular pub holding hands, cuddeling.
The entire place filled with white cis locals went dead silent like in a bad cliche movie.
“Harry, two pints of the black stuff, will ye?”
Peeps realised that at least I was a local and continued minding their own business.
Jeez…
No idea if you already know these places (you probably do) but The Cobblestone, Peader Brown’s, and McDowells are all great pubs that are perfectly happy serving a drink to anyone of any orientation.
Sorry for the bother if you already know.
Those places are lovely, of course I know then - I’m from there :D
Tribal mentality. A lot of people conform to the ‘Hate them… not you though, you’re one of ours’ mindset.
“Fucking hate poofs. Not Barry though, he grew up around here, he’s alright.”
“We should shoot all the [insert racist bollocks here]. Not Abdul who runs the corner shop though, he calls me ‘boss’ when I go in.”
Etc. If only their sense of tribe extended a bit further.
Nope. I usually think “I should go out more” and then when I’m still recovering two days later I think “Ah, this is why I don’t go out more.”
Yep, I always try to keep it going a 2nd day too extending my hangover to a week
relevant (?) Bill Watterson
And when you look at your bank account the next day
Why would I do that to myself, I wait for the credit card statement and take it all in at a gulp
If I don’t look at my account online, does it even really exist?
If an empty bank account is unobserved, is it truly empty?
The amount of money I don’t have remains the same, does it not?
Yes. I only want to go out to quieter places, where you can hear yourself think and talk: parks (nature in general), libraries, museums, coffee shops, bookstores, quirky mom and pop shops, tiny restaurants, etc.
Otherwise, I’d much rather stay at home.
My old high school friends were all extroverts who loved going out to bars and clubs, drinking heavily (and smoking), and skirt-chasing. That’s what hanging out meant. One day, in my mid-twenties, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I realized “I’m not having any fun with these people at all.” So I ghosted all of them. I feel guilty about it at times, but I had to.
You could’ve also talked to them about it. Ghosting is such an asshole move, making them question whether it was their fault, when in reality you just reached the conclusion that you want to spend your free time differently
Ppl assume ghosting = ignoring responses (maybe its supposed to) but when I ghost I just stop hitting them up first and eventually they stop hitting me up, ppl treat it like its ghosting so I assume it also counts but it doesn’t feeel/seem as bad
It was also a long time ago
No. Never had that thought.
Any night that I’m just sitting alone at home I consider kind of a disappointment. I try to at least go for a walk or something.
I think Lemmy (and maybe social media in general) might have a greater proportion of people who don’t like going out and being social.
I tend to enjoy it once Im out, it’s just overcoming that inertia to go out that’s hard for me
I try to avoid going out at annoying times - e.g., rush hour, school zones, restaurants on a Friday or Saturday night. That helps a lot.
Every time I go out.
At most social events like disco, big parties etc, where the goal is wrecking your liver and dance to shitty music, while losing your hearing in the meantime.
Even with some friends, you cannot talk to them because everything is loud or stinks like shitty cigarettes. What’s the point?
Why would you ever go to parties with shitty music? The goal is to go to parties where the djs are good and playing music you like.
The parties with shitty music where everyone is getting shitfaced are for hooking up, that’s the primary goal for those and for the people that attend them. If that’s not your goal you’re obviously not gonna enjoy it.
If you want to go out to dance to good music, there’s also parties for that, where people might drink but no one is getting shitfaced. People might be getting high in other ways, but still, no one is getting shitfaced.
And idk, is it really crazy to understand why human beings, a species that evolved for millions of years to be the most social species outside of insects, would enjoy going to social events…?
You might just be ND, and that’s fine. But it’s really like 0 brain effort to try to understand this.
I literally answered the post question, i don’t know why you got so passionate about this. Read my other comment if you’re curious, i enjoy different social events…
Omg 🤓
This is the THE most terminally online dork response I’ve ever seen.
I mean, i prefer hiking and nature. I also enjoy live performance of groups i listen to, but numb disco with dumb music is an hard pass for me
That’s fine. I even somewhat agree with you. However, acting like you are above doing what millions of people enjoy is some real dork shit.
I can’t go anywhere with noisy crowds. The sensory stimulation is too much for me. It’s not fun feeling ready to snap at any moment. Anytime I try going to the wrong kind of places I will regret it, so yeah.
No because anything is better than being surrounded by hostile people in your own home 24/7.
I hope it get’s better for you.
Thanks
i’m usually not very aware of my own mental state but there have been at least two times where my brain has just clicked into “we need to go home” mode and i’ve stood up and left in the middle of a conversation. makes me wonder how many times i’ve missed that queue and become grumpy as a result. i know at least one time where i basically just couldn’t muster the effort to emote anymore and basically shut down.
Good on you for identifying that as a pattern. Could help you listen to the signs before it comes to shutting off emotionally - must be taxing after all
