“I hate my life”
Every now and then this just pops in my head, even when things are objectively going well for me, I know I need therapy, but I’m jobless right now and you can’t afford health care in this country without employee sponsored health care, for now I just try to write down things I’m grateful for to keep the bad thoughts away
I’m not religious, haven’t been for decades, but old habit’s die hard.
please god give me the strength to cleanse this world of these idiots.
I can’t say, that kind of language isn’t appropriate for polite conversation.
“The time for The Old One to wake is upon us! The gates to R’lyeh quiver, the voices scream to be uncaged! Your hand is the key, the door to the other side awaits your touch! Beyond the threshold a new world hungers to devour this reality and bring forth all of time and space! It howls for you, answer the call, seize the destiny fate has hoisted upon you! Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!”
You know, just normal stuff.
You did your best. Your best was just not good enough.
Be so for real right now, that wasn’t your best. You just tell yourself that so you can feel better. But you didn’t try, not as hard as you should or could have.
I’m pretty mean in here.
How I see myself, in an image:
… It’s not pretty I’ll say that much. It’s pretty much a daily mantra of “you’re worthless. You’re pathetic. You’re an idiot. You’re living the life you deserve” deserve being: perpetually single, working in a factory, renting a garage “apartment.”
I want to be a better man, not a bitter man.
K-L-U-K
A cashier at Walmart yesterday said about herself “I’m so smart”
I replied “SMRT”.
You mean s m a r t :)
(he corrects himself, thus proving his smartness.)
“I am a good person.”
My Catholic upbringing really ingrained in me the idea that I’m a fundamentally bad person. Turns out, even if you deconvert, those thought patterns will still plague you. So I have to remind myself often that just because I’m not Catholic or who my parents would like me to be, that doesn’t mean I’m doing anything wrong.
Deprogramming is a bitch of a thing to go through. Best of luck on your journey.
“It’s gonna be okay?”
“It’s gonna be okay.”
“It’s gonna be okay!”
“Of course it will be okay, I’m the one who’s going to fix it!”
Awesome. Own that shit.
I’m not supposed to be here, but I am, so let’s bring some happiness to others.
Genius. You are an amazing person. Reminds me of a Kurt Vonnugut quote…
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies-“God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m overwhelmed”, “everything’s safe and sound” and a lovely “just shut the fuck up” for the demanding parts of myself
I’ve always been confused by this whole concept of telling myself things about myself. I see it regularly in self-help things - “You just need to tell yourself ‘I’m a good person’” or whatever - but it doesn’t even begin to make sense to me.
I don’t understand how it’s supposed to work. I’m not two different people, so I can’t tell myself something that I don’t already know. If it’s true and I can say it to myself, that’s necessarily because I already know it. And it’s not as if I can bullshit myself without knowing that that’s what I’m doing.
Sorry - probably not the sort of response you were hoping for.
I thought that I was the same as you, but actually I realise I ‘tell myself’ things all the time.
Mostly it feels like I’m bullshitting myself with things I ‘know to be true’ to drown out irrational things I feel.
Do you never have irrational monkeybrain chatter? Like, “I don’t feel like I’m ever going to be good at X”; only to reassure yourself that you’ll get better as you practice? If I ever feel disheartened, I often ‘tell myself’ that I’m not special enough to be uniquely incapable of learning whatever it is.
I put ‘tell myself’ in quotes because none of this actually happens in slow full language sentences in my head. It can, but bothering to sound out the whole thought seems silly and inefficient somehow. Mostly it happens in fragmented feelings and flashes of remembered sensations.
You are not two different people but you have different roles throughout your day and life. Like there may be a childish part that loves to do fun stuff or a grown up part that makes sure you properly care of yourself and so on.
Your thoughts can be viewed as a kind of communication between these parts e.g. when you are conflicted because you’d love to watch one more episode of your favorite tv show even though it’s late and you know you’ll be tired tomorrow. On the decision making progress your different “parts” communicate and sooner or later you come to a decision.
Beside this situational communication there may be also things we internalized e.g. because our parents told us or because we came to the respective conclusion. Like “if I don’t do my work properly, my coworkers will be mad”.
Sometimes the relation between your “conscious parts” is off or the internalized thoughts are bad for you. That’s why it can be good to be more aware of what you’re actually thinking. It’s just you in there, but a lot of you.
Similar to people telling me that I need to talk about things. It’s not like I can’t analyze things in my mind. I guess everyone has different brains.
“I wanna go home.”
I’m not sure why, this phrase has become a mental tic of mine. It makes abosolutely no sense because there is no sense in which I am not home. I live in one of my childhood houses.
Do you remember your childhood with your family when you think of going home
Nope, it’s almost like a verbal tic I don’t say out loud, it doesn’t come with thought.
Plot twist: you remember your “life between lives” Michael Newton’s Journey of Souls-style, and miss that home
