For starters, I’m a 20-year-old man. My family is very Christian, so I am traditional and I have never met a gay family member. If it was, and I’m sure it was, it was never talked about.

Well, when I was 15, I met Greg, the same guy who made me realize I was bisexual when he introduced me to be my boyfriend.

Because of my internalized homophobia, this relationship is over. I have had and still have many mental problems that make me feel bad. I was mean to others, I pushed them away. I would get attached to them and then I would find out that they are bad.

Greg was one of my attachments. Now that I’m 20, I’m attached to him again, but I’ve been very rude to him, so I’m sure he doesn’t like me, even though he used to have feelings for me. I told him I hated him, I pushed him, shouted at him. Am I a bad person? :(

  • eightpix@lemmy.world
    4·
    4 days ago

    You are in a very messy, very confusing stage of life. You will make many, MANY mistakes and piss some people off. I’m twenty-26, and I still make mistakes.

    You’ll start to understand what makes you who you want to be, and stop listening to all you’ve been told. You rebuild yourself out of your life experiences. Constantly. Forever.

    You’re human. Not perfect. None are. What matters is what you do next.

    As was said above, no one who questions their actions or who admits their need for mental health support is all bad. It’s the people who strategically, purposefully manipulate people with no regard for their well-being who are bad. The people who pathologically lie, cheat, steal, and remorselessly exploit others who are bad.

    If you have the means, get assessed. Take no diagnoses from the Internet or people on message boards.

    If you have the means, apologize, and commit yourself to treating Greg better or even neutrally. He doesn’t have to accept your apology. You have to make your peace with that. Also, he introduced you as a “boyfriend.” You had a reaction to that. You’re allowed. Again, it’s all about what you do next.