On one side I enjoy solitude, walking alone, drawing, fishing and cooking. Most people bore me because I find them dull and superficial. I specially hate the talkative, needy ones who wont shut up and believe I care what they think. I dislike big groups of drunks or people that need to yell and listen to loud music to feel good.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

On the title: One of us, one of us…

On the text, it should be said that not liking loud party situations is actually pretty common. There’s lots of people who like drawing and cooking; that alone doesn’t mean you’ll be lonely. If you want to meet people who are into those things, groups do exist.

You do have to listen to people talk, and care about what they’re saying, though. Unless you never talk to anyone else about your interests or problems (and this thread is literally about your problems), that’s just fair turnaround. Not doing so makes you a jerk, not superior or something, which, TBH, is the vibe you’re giving off.

You need to snap out of your misanthropy.

It leads to solitude and darkness.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying me-time and getting away from civilization for a bit, and ofc people can be annoying, especially when they’re just strangers. But not everyone is, and we all need our tribe of people to enjoy some company for some time.

Meet some people and try to see some positives about those encounters. You might learn a thing or two if you open your heart for others.

Sounds to me like you just havent met the right people to be friends with yet.

I love being and spending time alone, but I couldnt do it all the time. I think most people cant, humans are social beings by nature.

Try meeting people who enjoy the same hobbies you do, maybe those interactions will offer you some enjoyment.

“the world offers me either loud, drunk jerks, immature idiots or the complete solitude I have now …” Nothing wrong with solitude but you’ve really got to get out and meet more people. Most people are not like this.

You’re not as strange as you think, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re still quite young (20s?). Your 20s are largely about trying to fit in and following social conventions - you do all the things you think you’re “supposed to”. As you hit your 30s, you stop caring so much about what other people think and what other people have told you that you’re supposed to do and start figuring out what you want to do. A big part of growing up is learning that there are no “rules”; you can eat candy for breakfast if you want, sing in the shower, be an absolute cringe goblin - sky’s the limit so long as you’re not hurting anyone.

Finding a partner to avoid being alone is a terrible, terrible idea for all involved. Learn to enjoy your own company first and figure out what you actually want your life to look like, then you’ll be much more likely to find someone going the same direction. Figure out who you want to be and take the steps to becoming that person. Be unapologetically yourself, and you’ll find people who like you for you, which is absolutely preferable to trying to fit yourself into a tiny box of what you think you’re supposed to be and earning the admiration of people you despise.

As some other commenters have mentioned, investigate whether you may be neurodivergent, because you’ll be much more able to make sense of yourself and the world around you with that knowledge if you are.

We are all mortal and will be forgotten someday.

This shouldn’t be a cause for concern, but a liberating fact. You are free to live your life the way you want to. If you are enjoying the lifestyle you are currently living, you shouldn’t feel ashamed of it. There is no set path for life that everyone is required to follow.

If you are feeling alone, unfortunately, you will need to sift through various social groups to find one that clicks with you. It takes time and effort, but most good things do. There are other places to go than bars and parties. If you go to volunteer events, you are much more likely to find people who look beyond themselves.

you need an autistic gf, as do i

You sound a lot like me. Have you looked at those online “am I autistic” quizzes? When I realised that I am, it explained a lot in my life and allowed me to go figure out how to deal with it.

Existential crisis. No your existence doesn’t actually matter in the great scope of things. It’s ok. Just be you.

I enjoy solitude as well and I also would align with most things you mention here but I do think there is a slight undertone of superiority here when you look down on others who need to yell and need music etc. Others do them. You do you. It’s respectable even if we don’t get it. I definitely don’t get it. But I also feel like it’s not my place to yuck their yum.

You’re not strange, but people like you have low visibility and are hard to find. Party animals are obviously easy to find because you’ll find them at loud and obnoxious parties.

Here’s what I can see:

1. Sounds like you need to figure yourself out first. Do you want company (friends? Relationship?). I think legacy is overrated, but if that’s what you want then you’ll have to figure out what that looks like for you.

2. Figure out how to get what you want. If you’re looking for company that isn’t loud and is more thoughtful and introspective then you’ll have to think of where these people hang out. What activity would you find most tolerable?

3. Wherever you go, you’re always going to have to tolerate plenty of people you don’t like and don’t click with. You’re going to have to learn how to best put up with people till you find your people.

What you’re looking for is a dog!

You’re not that strange. It’s natural to want to share your material possessions, your knowledge and your experiences. But know, that there are different options for that than only the traditional patriarchal family: friends, comrades, roommates, neighbours. You could join a political org, volunteer at a local action like a shelter, a library, a museum, a community theater, a community kitchen. Join anything that you have any appreciation for and be ready to not just share your wisdom, but learn from others too. There are people out there who aren’t drunk jerks and even if they have some bad takes, they probably have some wisdom to teach you, if you listen closely.

Many people who get drunk use alcohol to be a bit more social. They very well may be similar to you. I got to know a ton of fun people because they (and I) were drunk. In normal day to day life they are similar to me. For me it’s difficult to find new people without using stimulants. I just don’t have the energy to engage in certain activities.