Bit of a shower thought: Outside of limited circumstances, like interviews or therapy, nobody is really expected to give you honest feedback on how you come across.
This sucks. I’ve been told I come across as unfriendly once, but I have no idea if I was just nervous and tired at the time. I still cherish that one moment almost 10 years ago when someone told me I was funny in some corporate team building bs.
Now, I could ask friends and family, but I believe they would probably not tell me the full, honest truth. After all, they (hopefully) like me and I would probably avoid being too harsh to everyone but very close people in private.
At the same time, I know plenty of people who really should get some feedback, who probably believe they are funny while everyone is bored and annoyed and hopes they talk a little less and the like.
So, are there socially accepted ways to get feedback on how you come across?
I realize that people are strange, relationships are hard, P!=NP and anime is not real. Still, it would be nice to have.
I knew a guy who begged for honest feedback. Like kept complaining about how people would ghost him, and wasn’t able to get a date or anything. So when he asked me directly, I pointed it all out.
And here’s the thing: he didn’t really do much after learning that. He didn’t try to change anything for the better. He just took it in, got real defensive for a while then agreed and accepted that “this is who I am”.
And maybe that’s okay. But he seems dead set on attracting people who hate it.
Learning to read the room is a skill set.
Yeah, that’s on him.
There is, however, a big difference between (let’s say) “you smell and look at your feet too much” and “you command people around and treat people as inferior”, for example
he wanted to hear, his “behaviour” wasnt the problem and its everyone else. dint seem like he was willing to change his behaviour. without prying too much, was it like him using manosphere tactics/pickup artists tips.
alot of the tactis including subtle tactics like browbeating, saying things to gaslight people.