I recently heard a man say, you should not focus on things that make you sad. There are certain things in life that are always gonna suck, there will always be certain things which you can’t change, there is no use worrying about them or hating them.
Unfortunately, I am in a system that handicaps human growth, you don’t/can’t grow up to your full potential when you live in systems like these. I can’t leave anytime soon, and the hyper-realization that had I been in a better system that fosters growth, I won’t be as miserable (emphasis on the as here) as I am here. I am hyperaware of certain things. Small things, they steal my mental peace, it can be someone honking incessantly on the streets or anything loud or unnecessary at any time of the day. Reddit shows me some weird stuff when I enter it and that distrubs my peace of mind! I have become very sensitive to these things.
I am sorrounded by all things negative in life, I have all the reason in the world to br resentful and ill-tempered, but resentment is a very dangerous thing, I don’t want to be resentful. If I can’t he happy here, I just want to be in peace! How can I do this? Venting about my situation helps but it’s temporary and it seems to be doing more damage than good.
P.S.: Please don’t start with how the American system is bad, it probably is, but there are worse things. I will literally be willing to lose a leg to get there. Also, might take sometime to reply, but I deeply appreciate your responses.
If you’re on social media, leave it. It’s a drain on your mental wellness.
First, comparing yourself to others is a recipe for unhappiness. I guarantee unhappiness and ennui is part of every day American life as well. I’m living it. I don’t know why I get out of bed each day other than to provide for my family, and I’ve been out of work for 5 months. Feels like waiting around to die, honestly. Maybe you think being in America would solve your problems, but it just presents a different set.
Second, accept the things you can’t change. If you can’t fix something, let go of worrying about it. Easier said than done and beware of telling yourself you can’t change something when you can, but if there is something you can’t fix, let it be. I know you said you’ve gotten that advice already. It’s easy to hear but hard to accept.
Third, set yourself some achievable goals. If it’s exercise or reading a book or painting a picture. Especially if it’s a step toward fixing one of those things that’s big, but not impossible to change. I’ve seen people build houses with their own hands over several years - one piece at a time. I have a friend who is mid-40’s and getting her 4-year degree. One class per semester. She’s on class three now. Eventually she will get there. I’ve set some goals to improve my physical health. It’s a long fucking road. I lost 60 lbs. about 8 years ago. Gained it all back. Now it’s time to tackle it again.
Fourth, make yourself look for good things. It’s a beautiful sunny evening here after days of rain. I didn’t achieve much today, but I can appreciate the warmth on my skin and the blue and white sky. My wife is out of the house taking a crafting class with a friend and I’m happy for her because that doesn’t happen often. I have some interviews this week and maybe one will be the right fit. Whatever the good things are in your life, find them and spend a little time just appreciating them.
Good luck, my friend.
Start with the little things you can change. Environmental noise, can you get headphones or earplugs? Social media making you feel down, curate your feed, change sites, or even take a breather. Change up a routine, try a different food, or a hobby. Whatever is in your power, a novel experience might be an idea. Decorate/personalize your space. Add some lights, tapestries, whatever you like. These are some ideas I’ve tried personally and enjoyed a few of.
Wow, one of the most helpful and actionable comments and there’s no upvotes on it, weird! Thank you!!! and you are right!
It might sound stupid, but sometimes (at least for me) I find joy in bringing others joy. I do my best to compliment strangers around me when I notice that they’ve done something special to make themselves look nice or if I really like a piece of clothing. I go out of my way to bring/send treats to my coworkers or friends when they have a special day coming up. It’s a reminder to them (and to myself) that the world is what we make of it, so why not do what we can to make it better? Joy is not a zero-sum game - something that takes me an iota of effort to do can bring huge returns in happiness of others.
Listen to Jordan Peterson.
I recommend starting with his course called Maps of Meaning which I believe is still available on youtube.
lol
Also, if your current set of philosophical and cultural assumptions has left you depressed and devoid of hope, maybe consider going against the crowd.
I don’t know. Because there is definitely an overlap in the venn diagram of Jordan Peterson fans and people who are inordinately angry at women, trans people, “liberals,” etc. If “going against the crowd” is a driving force behind you finding your philosophy, I don’t think you’re in it for the right reasons. And that kind of toxic mentality does not lead to happiness.
Oh no, my life is going fine. I’ve got no anger against those groups. I’m driven and healthy for the first time in my life.
My driving force has been desperation to figure out my mental health.
I’m referring to those who are miserable and asking for help, then downvoting the answers they get because their friends wouldn’t like it.
I haven’t met anyone who’s in that venn intersection. Can you name someone who is?
You’re so far outside the box that everyone who disagrees is too small to be the big brain like you are.
Except not. So cut the crap. Downvotes are for said dishonesty.
Seeing as we don’t know the same people, I can’t. And you know that, so it’s a pretty Jordan Peterson-y way of trying to win an argument.
Hey, man. If you got something positive out of his mumbo jumbo, great. But his stuff is kinda like horoscopes in that way. You can…kinda take whatever you want from it. Because it’s mostly overly verbose, purposefully complicated nonsense. And the mindset you’re in when exposed to it can change its effect. So, when shared among right wing incels and “alpha male” circles, it very much has the effect of fostering hatred toward women and trans people.
He spouts pseudo science and fills it with buzzwords on hot button issues. He cloaks his nonsense in the favorite topics of those who do harbor hatred towards women, transgender people, etc. He gets to remain an arm’s length away from the far right while catering to them by pretending to be a “neutral” “academic.” But those people are his bread and butter. While you may or may not be a part of that, like I said, he caters to them and uses vague enough bullshit to let those kinds of people justify their hatred. You can’t deny that he’s positioned himself as “going against the status quo”—hell, you basically said so yourself. And hat is the exact type of persona that attracts the ironically “anti establishment” right wingers. A truly stupid hypocritical group of people. They claim anti establishment, while actually harboring authoritarian beliefs.
My point is, his schtick is to appear “neutral” while spouting exactly the kind of shit bigots need so they can feel justified in their hatred. You may have not fallen prey to that, but plenty of his fans do. And anyone who opens up to that stream of pseudoscientific “information” from him is flirting with the far right pipeline.
