But if I mention suicidal feelings, oh shit that is like nuclear war.

Yeah, even if not helpful for you probably, that’s a pretty normal parent response to a threat like that. I’m not being sarcastic here. It’s not an indication that they don’t love or value you, rather the exact opposite.

My personal recommendation to you is that you should be very careful what anonymous people in the internet tell you when the context is this important. Some people just don’t give a shit about the well-being of anyone and will actively try to make things worse for you.

Get professional help.