I know you wanted the parents’ perspective, but this is something I struggle with regarding my own suicidality. There’s even a meme that people don’t kill themselves because “mom would be sad”

I often think of the family I’d be leaving behind. Mom would never understand. Dad would probably get it, but suicide has a funny way of being contagious and I’d worry it would push him over the edge. My wife says she’d hate me forever.

Grief is really fucking hard, and when people kill themselves the survivors play the blame game with themselves. Surviving your child is probably the most difficult thing a parent can do, and to torture yourself with the fantasy that you could have saved them seems like a special kind of hell.

When I’m at my lowest, it feels like bullshit. Like honestly, my life has been so terrible that I want to end it, and yet people will carry on like they’d be the victim if I did. Maybe if you blame yourself and think you could have helped me, you could do it while I’m alive and asking for help.

When I’m calmer I realize that nothing they could do probably would have helped. It still burns me up though - people talk about suicide like it’s the most selfish thing a person can do. When you’re already miserable it sure isn’t great being made to feel miserabler. It makes me feel like I deserve to suffer - and that means continuing to live.

Anyway, I’ve been suicidal for just about thirty years. I figure I’ll give it another thirty, by then I’ll have outlasted my parents. Plenty of time to find meaning before then