I never really had a good relationship with my parents. I’m a first child, so they were literally learning the ropes with me, and being neurodivergent without appropriate early diagnosis and treatment… there was some major disconnect. Sure I was a “gifted” kid, but at every step they tried to force their own vision onto me, and thanks to that disconnect, I never had that truly supporting parentage. It was a constant barrage of high expectations with major punishments outlined if I didn’t meet those, and given the disconnect, the only time I felt “loved” was when they’d provide me with certain things - but all those things were tied to expectations.

A great example for this is my first computer. I needed one, for studies, for chasing my own interests, and finally I was allowed to buy one from my own money at the end of 8th grade, if my graduation average was above a specific (incredibly high, think 16-18 subjects, graded 1 to 5 where 5 is best, my average had to be above 4.5), and if I managed to get certified in my chosen secondary language at a B level (A is conversational, B is professional/daily, C is for official translation work).

This plus my parents rarely expressing emotions beyond anger was… not exactly helpful in my emotional development.

Now, after a decade of living abroad, I’m trying to close that gap, but it’s not easy. My mother… I get along with her much better, but she’s got tons of trauma she refuses to see a therapist about, and instead is working herself to death in her 50s. The worst part is I can’t even talk her out of it, and both my brothers are blind to it.

My father is the harder nut to crack. He’s gone down the alt-right slide about ten years ago, and this intelligent man I grew up admiring has gone incredibly racist, xenophobic, illogical, in constant support of a kleptocratic government that literally took away all his savings and pension and is now giving him a pittance…

All in all it’s not easy but I’m doing my best to build a passable relationship with them.