I made a similar post a couple of years ago, but I think it’s time again after seeing a few nice-guy/incel posts here. So, guys who have made it to the other side, what would you say to your previous self? I’ll leave my own personal answer in a comment below.
Wholesome. Good on you for getting out of the women love bad guys mindset. It makes no sense and it’s very toxic.
Some women like excitement, I imagine. Some “bad guys” might bring that. But most people just want to be with someone genuine who can take care of themselves and care about them. And people want to laugh. Be seen. Be heard.
I was very shy growing up but I cracked after I realized that people just want to be treated like I want to be treated. With respect, and the other things I mentioned. Once I realized I had the ability to give those things, I grew out of my shell. Also getting over the fear of unsuccessfully attempting to be someone’s friend. We don’t have to be friends with everyone. Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. I don’t like everyone either.
Once you find someone who likes you, latch on. Whether it’s a friend or a romantic partner. 😊
I like how you said that. Women just want you to be interesting. Some women like excitement like you said, but almost all women just want you to show interest in things. I think a lot of nice guys see “jocks” and sports bros as annoying but they have women so there is resentment there too - but they wrongly put the blame on appearances and their views of “they’re jerks” so women must like jerks. No, in all honesty the thing is that those bros probably have more of a personality than you do right now, or at least can express it better. Sure they like sports, I bet they talk passionately about them too, and have conversations, ask follow up questions of their partners about them.
For me, eh sports they’re fine, but I do have other passions that I can talk about and ask others about. Now I have a wife who does drag me to games every once in a while, but she also goes and watches trains with me, and we play video games, and we share passions like that. Nice guys think they need to “worship” women or something. No, just be interesting.
And like, “jocks” in high school or college don’t even have to be that nice, or good at conversation or whatever, because being good at sports—being good at anything—can be interesting enough. Add to that a good physique… 😙👌 More than a good enough catalyst for a (quick) romance. Especially with young people who confuse love and infatuation. Been there.