I think I agree with your sentiment that sex is overrated. I quite enjoy it, but the way it is portrayed in media is usually more extreme than my own feelings and those of men around me.

I remember when I was around 16-18. I started to diet and exercise, was on the tail end of puberty in my physical prime and drenched in hormones. Went to high school and was surrounded by people my own age experiencing the same. Culture and marketing leads to high school girls constantly fighting with the adults and dress codes to wear skimpier, tighter clothing. I had my first girlfriend and we were both excited to start messing around. And there’s a philosophical component- why do we exist? We are a repeating pattern (DNA) that exists not for a reason, but because it can. Life that does not procreate dies, so in a sense procreation is the most life-y thing you can possibly do.

At the same time, I knew better. I was lucky to have sex education and not be in a very religious household. A couple of friends, and my first girlfriend, were victims of sexual assault. I had seen other men succumb to their desires, ruin their own lives, hurt people around them. Not to mention the very real threats of pregnancy and disease. So even while my physiology craved it and my philosophy guided me towards it, my mind pumped the brakes.

The physiology waned as I got older. Or perhaps just distracted with college and work, maintaining an apartment and then a house. My energy was directed elsewhere. My wife and I quickly settled on having sex roughly once a week.

About a year ago though, we created a polycule with another couple. It was really hard for me to keep up at first. I would have to watch my nutrition- make sure I don’t overwat or ear heavy and greasy foods beforehand. Make sure I was working out and physically active in general, but not a full workout right before or else my muscles would be too tired. Mentally, I would have to start purposefully thinking about sex for several hours beforehand to make sure I was in the right headspace and ready to perform. The past 3 months have been suddenly dry due to just calendar issues and some minor medical procedures in the group, so I’ve found myself in this routine of trying to be horny and keep up but suddenly without the payoff of it. I also have a touch of the 'tism and really like predictable routines and long-term planning while the other 3 people are bi-polar or severe ADHD, and they all seem to have little issue with going from cozy to horny almost instantly.

The actual feeling of horniness I think is similar to most other biological functions. Being hungry or thirsty or sleepy, needing to urinate or defecate. I view it similarly, ideally on a roughly 2-4 day cycle. Ejaculation, which leads to a period of post-nut clarity and calmness that slowly fades over a couple days. I’d find it difficult to get hard for a couple hours after, and difficult to cum again for at least 6, more like 24 hours after. By day 4 I noticed I start to get a little bit more irritable, a little bit more stressed out by little things. Longer than that and sexual thoughts start to interrupt my normal thoughts processes. Blue balls is real too. I know some men exaggerate the affect to manipulate women into sex, and some women have started to think blue balls isn’t real, but the reality is that it’s real minor inconvenience that I try to avoid.

The Wolf of Wall Street scene where they talk about masturbating multiple times a day is hyperbole, but not entirely inaccurate. I think there’s a lot of value to a quick, utilitarian jack off for some cheap stress relief and clarity. Having sex with others is fun, but people obsess over it too much in my opinion.