I need some third-party opinions. I’m a Swiss guy currently in Cambodia. I came here on holiday and met a girl at a restaurant in Siem Reap. We talked for a bit and she offered to show me around the area. We hung out together for a week, during which we also hooked up. It was a great week. Then she invited me to stay with her at her family’s house. I accepted because I thought, why not? I’ve been here for three weeks now and had my visa extended by 30 days. I work remotely, so I’m able to support myself financially. My parents hate me being here because they think I’m being taken advantage of financially. For example, they were upset when I told them I bought some things for the house to make my stay more comfortable. Personally, I don’t feel like I’m being taken advantage of.
Be very very careful about conception. The wealth imbalance is huge and the incentives are going to change once children get involved. Don’t be naive.
If she took you to her family’s home, that means they expect you to marry her.
Be realistic with yourself about what your stay at the family home implies to them. I don’t mean that as a conclusion one way or the other. Tell them directly that this is a temporary situation, if that is what it is to you.
And like another said, contraception unless you actually want a baby.
Yeah if it’s just a hook up, you shouldn’t have gone to her family’s house. It’s a big deal. Asian countries are very conservative like that. And they’re likely hoping you’ll sweep her off her feet and take her to your country for a better life. So, sorry to say, but if anything you’re taking advantage of them and their situation.
This exact same thing happened to a friend of mine when he visited Thailand. Met this girl through acquaintances, they got to know each other very well, etc… Be warned: They’re happily married and living together 10 years later.
Are they forcing you to pay for stuff beyond reasonable needs you may have during your stay? (Food, bottled water, some hygiene products)
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What are your plans and expectations? How long do you want to stay? Do you want it to be a long-term relationship? Do you want to get married to her, have kids? If not, do you want to visit regularly? Are you willing/not willing to substantially support her/the family? etc.
As this is an unusual situation (which isn’t a value judgment), I think it’s important to really think these things through, and then communicate them openly. But also understand that many cultures (including Cambodian, I think) tend to prefer subtle hints over direct communication, so in order to really understand her expectations, it might be helpful to get opinions by some Cambodian third party (I’m sure there’s some English-language Cambodian forum you can turn to for that).stay with her at her family’s house. I accepted
Please clarify the facts: was it a visit, like half a day, or do you stay there for some weeks now?
I think there is some chance that you are married now :)
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Then you are going to meet their further expectations. Sooner or later.
AFAIK it is possible in many countries to marry by spoken words only (no papers needed).
Which amount to nothing of he is able to get on a plane and fly away. I can’t imagine many countries willing to extradite someone because of some abandonment style crime in that situation.
You must be a US american. They always dream of running away from all their mistakes :)
I mean we reelected one of our biggest mistakes a year ago, so…
You did overturn roe v wade though so… Maybe there’s hope
Congrats on your nuptials!
Seriously, though, I don’t think you’re necessarily being taken advantage of. If they didn’t ask you for anything you’ve given them, then I don’t think you need to worry. Just don’t do anything you wouldn’t do for any other girlfriend and you’ll be fine.
Asian countries are pretty conservative. If she’s introduced you to her family, and isn’t hiding you, then that probably means she’s happy and sees a future with you. Maybe it’s because she sees you as a good catch. Maybe it’s because she’s head over heels in love with you. Whatever the reason, whether or not that future comes about is up to you guys, but if it does and you end up together on a long term basis, this will make a fun story to tell people. Just take it day by day and enjoy yourself. Don’t think too much about the future. Don’t let anxiety or doubts cloud your feelings for her.
Cause at the end of the day, while this could turn out to be a cautionary tale, it could just as easily turn out to be the rest of your life.
I don’t think you’re being taken advantage of financially. I imagine you’ve spent less money than any option for three weeks of sleeping accommodations in Switzerland aside from living with your parents, for example.
I do think there’s a significant chance there’s a mismatch in expectations though. If you intend this to be short-term, it would be cruel to let her think something else. As others have mentioned, there’s a risk she’s trying to get pregnant to incentivize you to stay or financially support her; you don’t know her well enough to say she wouldn’t do that.
As long as you have both of those concerns addressed, it sounds like a good time for all involved.
are any of these purchases wildly beyond what you might have bought to make a hostel stay more comfortable, like food/bedding/clothes/entertainment?
without more information/any red flags, it sounds like your parents are just being overly protective/suspicious.
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ahh. that’s a good bit more than someone would buy for a hostel stay, and probably more than someone would buy for a friend, too.
just be sure that you’re clearly communicating your intentions & letting everyone know that while you didn’t mind spending that money, you also don’t intend to move in & stay longer, despite your new purchases maybe indicating otherwise.
Is it tho? If i would see that list from a millionaire for their summer vacation in southern france i would say that sounds modest. I guess a hotel in the capital with room service and regular sex worker visits would be more expensive.
Enjoy your time and your new love op.
the average person wouldn’t buy a new bed/mattress/wardrobe for a hostel (or even a hotel) they were staying in for a few weeks, no. buying larger furniture items like that would generally indicate to a family that OP might intend to stay longer than a few weeks.
it’s not really about the cost, but about making sure that everyone’s communicating their plans/return dates/expectations, so no one’s in for an unpleasant surprise when OP heads home.
overcommunication will at worst result in a “we know, you’ve told us all before”, while undercommunication could result in “i assumed you’d changed your mind about leaving, after you bought so many things for the house”
The average person would absolutely pay for a room that has a clean mattress a wardrobe and fast excess to a coffee machine.
I agree with the clear communication.
I’ve never met anyone who would buy a bed and mattress for a month
I never met anyone who would stay at the locals house in a 3rd world country instead of a hotel. The average person rents that stuff for a month.
Would you do that for a girl back home with whom you had a random hookup but no serious intentions?
If “no” then then you’re probably leading them on thinking you’re getting married.
If anything, you’re taking advantage of them, living in their house and sleeping with their daughter.
Came here to say this. If you aren’t planning to stay, you need to be very clear with this girl about your intentions…otherwise it’s you who is misleading them.
I mean seriously brother. Moving into her family’s home after sleeping together? Buying furniture? What message do you think that sends?
^^^Ding ding ding!
Yup definitely in line for their daughters hand in marriage
So she has won that special kind of lottery.
Maybe OP has won too
lol - yeah, that’s a little overboard.
May I ask how much that cost you? You say things are cheap there so if it’s in the range of what you would have otherwise paid for a hotel or for your general cost of living at home, it sounds more like a mutually beneficial situation. You get to extend your vacation for relatively cheap and they get to keep what you’ve bought when you leave.
Just make sure to keep an eye on the situation. People can get used to your generosity and you don’t know how their disappointment will manifest when you eventually decide to leave. They might just be grateful for what you gave them, but they might also ask you to stay for longer than you’re comfortable with, they might ask you to buy them more stuff before you leave or they might ask you to take the girl home with you. Not even out of greed or any bad feelings but just because what you gave them feels nice and wanting more of that is just natural.
As long as you set limits for yourself (important edit: and communicate those limits) and are prepared to leave within the hour if they don’t respect those, I see no harm. Best case, you have made new friends that you stay in contact with and can visit some time in the future. Worst case you have to leave in the middle of the night and never see them again.
You, my friend, are cooked.
I wouldn’t say so if they weren’t begging for money. Sounds like it’s time to be a passport bro
Any “mistake” you make financially is your own choice.
But for what it’s worth, if this person likes you for real, you don’t deserve it. Your skepticism and classism is ridiculous.
Seems like you intentionally chose to not disclose what you bought for them, which leads me to believe it is likely your parents are right.
