I’m allergic to cats, dogs, kangaroos, peaches, and cherries. I’ve been taking allergy meds so my wife could get a service dog without killing me. Been taking the meds for about six months.

Last week we picked up the dog He’s adorable, pretty smart, somewhat normal-dog trained, and definitely not service-ready. His professional training will begin later this month. I believe he can succeed assuming my wife doesn’t die from exhaustion before he can learn to keep her alive.

Last week I also made fruit salad for a picnic, and included peaches and cherries (peaches, cherries, nectarines, oranges, honeycrisp apples, red grapes, cantaloupe, honeydew, watermelon, strawberries, blueberries, banana, and I used all-natural concentrated grape juice for sweetener, my wife didn’t let me add grapefruit, and I forgot to add the damn pineapple).

Over the weekend I ate fruit salad, and I’ve been slobbered on by the dog all week, with no signs of any allergic reaction.

The last time I ate cherries, I had to get meds to stop my throat from closing up, and cherries are my favorite fruit.

Anyway, I was feeling pretty good about conquering my immune system, and we had a whole bag of cherries left, so just now I decided to eat some cherries as a snack.

Well, it looks like I’ve been pissing in my immune system’s eye, and it just blinked.

My daughter had left to get veggies for the guinea pigs (no, not allergic to them, but the orchard grass is a little troublesome, and Timothy Hay is completely intolerable). My wife and her dog are sleeping.

I stopped eating the cherries as soon as I started feeling a bit off. No symptoms other than the slightest itch in the left side of my bottom lip.

I’m not concerned about dying. I’m not allowed to kill myself because I made a stupid promise to my wife years ago. However, this would be an accident, and I’ve pointed out to her that just because I’m not allowed to off myself on purpose, I don’t have to submit to any life-saving efforts. She tried to argue with me about that, but I played the bodily autonomy card and she had to concede the point.

Anyway, my unlikely death isn’t really what I’m concerned with right now.

It just occurred to me that if I think the end is coming, there’s an opportunity to have some really cool final words, but I can’t think of anything.

“I was thinking of the immoral words of Socrates, who said, ‘…I drank what?’”

• Val Kilmer as Chris Knight in ‘Real Genius’

My question for you lemmings is, what are some cool final words for me to say?

Also, for anyone concerned, as I finish this post, I’m feeling now like my immune system has decided that flushing out my digestion is the best course of action. So death doesn’t seem to be in the cards today, although I might end up wishing it was.